G.H.E.Y. IN. H.D.

"God Hates Euroranger, Yes INdeed He Does"

  • August 2009
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A name change is now in order

Posted by Euroranger on August 31, 2009


So, I decided not to post a part 2 to the last post Part 1 of the healthcare debacle.  Suffice to say the salient points are arcane, totally relevant but probably too subtle and requiring of IQ for the average Joe to bother applying oneself to.  The bullet points and accompanying graphical aid explain it pretty thoroughly tho:

A well thought out plan by the government?  Really?

A well thought out plan by the government? Really?

  • It’s expensive
  • It’ll kill a fair chunk of our economy
  • It’s very expensive
  • It’ll be even more expensive than claimed now because, hey, this is the fucking government we’re talking about here
  • It’s way too expensive
  • The president, the Congress and their families won’t be required to participate (really makes you think it’ll be GREAT, huh?)
  • Holy fook, do you have any idea how expensive this will be?
  • It imposes a penalty equal to 8% of their payroll on small businesses that can’t afford to pay for a health plan.  So, they pay for it…or they get penalized for it.  The same small businesses that employ 3 out of 4 people in the country…yeah, those shiftless bastards
  • Good God, the cost!  We could give that money to the military and they could buy what…4…maybe 5 new hammers!
  • Oh…nearly forgot.  Union members who have existing health plans…yeah, they can decide to opt out.  But just union employees…you know, the ones the Democrats want make sure vote Democrat next time around because they KNOW the plan the rest of us get saddled with will suck on a cosmic scale
  • It’s expensive

That’s pretty much it for healthcare.  The government can’t run any program without massive incompetence, enormous cost overruns and Congress can’t help stealing from any funds set up to pay for such things (see: Medicare trust fund borrowing vs. imminent Medicare insolvency).  Yeah, if this boondoggle passes in its current form, we’re all fucked.

————————————————————————————-

But hey, enough of that, right?  Let me share some of the reason why this post was so late.  You see I’m a worker bee.  I have a full time job as an application developer.  I also have a side project that could, if it actually paid, be a full time job.  I also do contract work when I can get it.  In short, I work…a lot sometimes.  Sometimes not so much but other times, this past week for instance, I worked my ass off and, as such, I had no time left to spew on this site.

For my day job, I recently took a position with a startup one state over.  In fact, I’m employee #1 of this company.  This is not all that bad.  The hours tend to suck, the benefits are pretty much a joke but I do have a pretty large say in what goes on and how things get built…and that’s kinda nice.  My boss, however, while a decent guy, is a hustler.  That is to say, he’s one of those guys who talks the lingo, rubs elbows with people, has power lunches and so forth.  What he is not, however, is technically astute at least in the arena his new business is in: internet application services.

Normally, this isn’t all that bad.  I can work around impediments like that as long as I’m given the freedom to do so.  I actually have a track record of building apps that, at least, get the company off the ground and making enough money to hire REAL professionals who come in and tell the boss how awful a job I did and how THEY will fix all my miserable efforts and make the company a true success.  This is a proven formula for me…the bastards.

Well, let’s get to my meandering point, shall we?  The aforementioned boss up and decided to hire another employee a week ago this past Friday.  No mention to me about the need for another body.  No request for input…just, “hey, meet the new guy”.  This should be viewed as a good thing, right?  I mean, it’s still just one app being built but now there are two sets of hands to build it.  I should be getting some relief right?

Perhaps you noticed that I changed the title of this blog from WWED (What Would Euroranger Do) to G.H.E.Y. IN H.D. (God Hates Euroranger, Yes INdeed He Does).  These two seemingly disparate topics are actually inextricably intertwined.

My new nemesis

Our new savior

You see, the primary reason we hired the new fellow was that he was supposed to represent a level of expertise in database management/knowledge/leetness that I admit I do not possess.  I am functionally competent working with MySQL (the database product we use) but in no way would my humility ever permit me to claim a level of expertise with it anywhere above “random scribbler”.

The new guy showed me that not everyone subscribes to my truth-based approach to employment applications or resumes.  Enter the part where God evidently hates me.

So, the boss introduces this self-proclaimed prodigy of database omniscience as our new MySQL expert.  I express gratitude for this move as it should relieve some of the burden I was responsible for prior to that fateful Friday.  New guy and I are left alone as boss goes to do more hustling.  I am, however, hip deep in alligators trying to solve code issues on the fly for our first (and so far only) customer.  One of the issues required that I run a very simple, basic MySQL query to pull the last 10 records so I can see a sample of what’s in this particular database table.  The way to do this in MySQL look like this:

SELECT * FROM someRandomTableName LIMIT 10

One thing that those who are blessed to not have to know things like this should be apprised of: each database (MySQL, Oracle, dBase, SQL Server, Informix, etc) uses variations of the same database query language known as SQL.  SQL for MySQL differs from the SQL for Oracle, dBase and so on.  Knowing the particular quirks/nuances of the SQL for a particular database is one aspect that allows you to claim guru-ship with that particular product.  A very small, beginner level aspect to be sure.  Anyway, “new guy” (I may gin up a moniker for him before too long) is leaning over my shoulder watching me type out that code line above when he says something like: “That won’t work.  Instead of Limit 10, try SELECT TOP 10”.  I say, thinking he must be confused: “This is MySQL…that won’t work” and I think I’m being polite and correcting “new guy” on his first day on what could be a confusing job.  No such luck.  No, “New Guy” (capitalized now…although prolly not his permanent moniker) insists that I am mistaken and reminds me HE knows what he’s talking about.

How often does this happen to you?  I’m no MySQL guru but I know in my gut that I’m 105% right about this.  But, I was raised right and, I change my code line and run it.  Guess what………it doesn’t work.  Without comment, I replace it with my original code and move on.  New Guy doesn’t say shit.  Not “oops, my bad” or “gee, you were right”.  Not a word.

My brain’s warning klaxon starts to power up.

Later that same day, New Guy asks what I use to access MySQL with.  I reply that I use TOAD, a common, open source, MySQL database app.  His responding facial expression tells me he’s never heard of TOAD (not a sin) but that he uses SQL Server Management Studio and asks if I’ve heard of it (a huge sin…in fact, it would qualify as the 8th deadly sin in this scenario).  I slowly point out that I’ve heard of it, use it quite regularly for my own projects but that it’s solely for working with Microsoft’s SQL Server database product and not MySQL.  He replies that “he uses it all the time for MySQL work”.  Again, those of you who know better can spot this as an obvious piece of tauren fecal matter (bullshit) as long as by “piece” you understand me to mean “an incredibly large truckload”.  It was at this moment that I began to suspect that New Guy had somehow secured a position as “resident MySQL expert” through possibly fraudulent claims of capability.

The brain klaxon increases volume to “2” and calls in the second shift a little early as it appears it might be going for awhile.

Later that evening, I head home (the next state over) as my assignment at the client’s site has concluded and I fervently hope that New Guy’s apparent inability to do anything, even the most basic of things, correct in MySQL is a passing phase and that come Monday he will shake off his day 1 stupidity and really shine.

That’s the end of this post.  However, as a bit of foreshadowing, I can tell you that the next post will extol the wisdom of my changing the name of this blog to God Hates Euroranger…as it has much to do with the week 1 experiences with me and New Guy Dumbass.

Yeah, I finally settled on a name for him (more foreshadowing).

My name is Euroranger and I approved this message.

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