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"God Hates Euroranger, Yes INdeed He Does"

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Don’t make me beat a b***

Posted by Euroranger on September 3, 2009

So…did anyone happen to catch this article on the web yesterday?

Stranger accused of slapping crying child at store

STONE MOUNTAIN, Ga. – Police say a 61-year-old man annoyed with a crying 2-year-old girl at a suburban Atlanta Walmart slapped the child several times after warning the toddler’s mother to keep her quiet.

A police report says after the stranger hit the girl at least four times, he said: “See, I told you I would shut her up.”

Roger Stephens of Stone Mountain is charged with felony cruelty to children. It was unclear if he had an attorney and a telephone call to his home Wednesday was unanswered.

Authorities say the girl and her mother were shopping Monday when the toddler began crying. The police report says Stephens approached the mother and said, “If you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you.”

Authorities say Stephens then grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her. The child began screaming and Stephens was arrested. Police say an examination showed the girl’s face was slightly red.

A call to the girl’s mother, identified in the police report as Sonya Mathews of Grayson, was answered by a woman who identified herself as Sabrina Mathis, the victim’s aunt.

Mathis said Wednesday that the girl is doing fine.

“As of today, she has really forgotten about it,” Mathis said. “She’s been playing.”

Mathis said the girl’s mother was shaken up over the incident.

“She’s as well as to be expected,” Mathis said. “Right now she’s just trying to calm down.”

No?  Well, you just did.  And now that you have…what was your initial, and by that I mean “very first”, thought?  I will admit with some small amount of shame that one of my first thoughts was “well, was the kid screaming and the mother being an ineffective twat-waffle in controlling the kid in a public place?”.  The obvious, shameful inference is “did the kid deserve it”?  Oh I know, I too was shocked that my normally rational brain kicked THAT out as one of the resultant reactions to reading that…but it’s true, believe it or not.

Now, don’t get me wrong, any complete stranger walks up and cranks my 2 year old in the mug…well…my later argument would be “temporary insanity with a side order of homicidal fury” no doubt about it.  Still, for those who have ever actually been unfortunate enough to suffer the results of poorly administered birth control had a 2 year old, you too may harbor a slightly guilty feeling of less than total and 100% condemnation of the slapper.

Turn ons: Dinner on my goddamn table at 5PM, Schlitz, Depends<br>Turn offs: Itchy piles, kids on my lawn, FULL Depends, crying toddlers

--Turn ons: Dinner on my goddamn table at 5PM, Depends, Schlitz --Turn offs: Itchy piles, FULL Depends, crying toddlers in Walmarts

What made this article even more attention-getting to me anyway was the fact that it occurred relatively close to me (Stone Mountain, GA…maybe 30-45 mins away by car).  It didn’t hurt that the article provided the helpful visual aid of the alleged slapper (pictured to the left).  Dude looks like his booking photo is being taken by a crying, screaming, two year old deputy at the county lockup, doesn’t it?  If the look on his face doesn’t simply scream “I’m fixing to slap the everyloving goddamned shit out of you” I don’t know what does.  Not a very contrite expression to wear to your booking photo for bitch-slapping a toddler who prolly poops into a diaper only somewhat more frequently than you do…to my sensibilities anyway.

But sweet jebus folks, look at the circumstances:

  • He’s 61 years old (aka: “the crotchety years”)
  • He’s in a WalMart (which means your typical Walmart patrons were there too)
  • The mother had a kid who was likely screaming it’s fool head off (see Walmart point above for factual reinforcement of the likelihood of this point)
  • He warned the mom he was batshit insane enough to slap the kid
  • He subsequently proved he was a man of his word and did aforementioned promised slapping

Now, this may be all shock-y and child-abuse-y for some of you but before you go off into the garage rummaging about for your pitchforks and torches, the article quoted above was from the AP…and you can therefore safely assume they didn’t report ALL the pertinent facts of the case in order to foster and advance their insidious anti-child-slappy Librul agenda (the bastards).  An article from the Atlanta Journal Constitution about the same story carries the day and disclosed this gem:

…Stephens approached and said “if you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” according to a police report.
A few moments later, in another aisle, Stephens grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her across the face four or five times, according to the report.

Stephens then told Mathews, “See, I told you I would shut her up,” according to the report.

The 2-year-old victim sustained slight redness to the face, according to the report.

Holy crap!  Now, for a moment, forget the fact that the AJC has the odd habit of ending every sentence with the phrase “according to the report”…apparently his evil plan WORKED!  By virtue of the fact that he smugly says “see” and then extols the result of his brat-slappiness it infers that all the child needed was a good 4 or 5 slaps across the mug to silence her infernal, geriatric-torturing racket.  And they tossed his ass in jail for this…and to make matters even more bizarre (from the AJC version):

…is being held at the Gwinnett County Detention Center without bond…

Sweet frickin Jebus!  Held without bond?  Really?  For “slight redness” you get denied bail?  What, the judge thought he’d flee to Mexico and continue his campaign of slapping the crap out of recalcitrant Hispanic children misbehaving in Walmarts?  (Actually, that’s absurd as anyone who’s ever been to a Walmart knows that ALL the recalcitrant children of the world are in American Walmarts…especially the Mexican ones).  If I were jailed for every time I inflicted “slight redness”…well, I’m sure they have a clause in the law with respect to self abuse…but you get the point.

What makes this more riveting to me is that, when I was a kid, and I was screaming in a store…this would never have happened.  Not because some mothball-smelling old man would have come over and cracked me one.  No, it’s because my own mother would have long since silenced me with her own version of “you’ve ruined MY life and now you’re going to embarrass ME in a public place” discipline.  When I was a kid, it was entirely expected that there were certain other adults who could and would apply a high-speed appendage to you and that not only would your folks be okay with it…you’d get a second helping later on at home when they were notified of it.  Such people included your friends’ mothers, the principle at your school, and any relative even so remotely related to you that their position on the family tree, when applied to paper, was in a different area code.  These people all had the Official Seal of Euroranger’s Parents Approval to haul off and whack me should I exercise the poor judgment of misbehaving in their presence.  I can recall only one time this ever actually DID occur and it’s memorable because had I been asked prior to the whupping my father gave me later “do you think a belt could actually wear out from too much whupping”, I would have almost certainly have answered incorrectly “no”.

Miss Urbanek (principal at my elementary school) probably to this day extols the virtues of my exemplary behavior thereafter that fateful schoolday.  Little did she (or probably even the scientific community at large) know that leather, when subjected to the frictions of a vigorously applied “anterior behavior modification regimen”, would spontaneously burst into merry flame…and make your father even madder cause yer ass just ruined one of his favorite belts.

Anyway, where was I…oh yes.  So, the dude gets no bail for effectively applying a time-honored noise suppression method to an ill-behaving child in public whilst accused murderers and rapists get bail all the time.  The kid experienced “slight redness” whilst the murder victim experienced “slight death”…and one gets denied bail while the other doesn’t?  What, was the accused murderer a friends’ mother?  The way it looks here, if the Absorbine-scented fossil had been an acquaintance of the kid’s mother’s hairdresser’s cousin twice removed…he’d not only be out on bail, he’d have been given a job as a door greeter at the Walmart and be busy negotiating the publishing rights for a self help book entitled “Beat a B***: The Revolutionary Way to Control Aberrant Youth Behavior When Promising Them a Cookie Fails”.

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that if it was my kid, he’d be nothing more than a chalk outline and a stain.

My name is Euroranger and I approved this message.


2 Responses to “Don’t make me beat a b***”

  1. The reason he’s so pissed off is because he’s constipated. Look at that face. Poop hasn’t come out of that man’s ass in weeks and it’s making him very uncomfortable.

  2. QueereKic said

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!


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