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Watch Where You Step

Posted by Euroranger on August 16, 2013


This is known as the Greater Internet F***wad Theory. Seems funny or amusing but the more time I spend on the net (and I spend a ton) it becomes less “theory” and more “law”.

As most of you know who do roll through here, I’m well into my forties, am married, have kids, 2 dogs, a mortgage and so on.  I also own my own internet consulting business, am an application developer, game online and have a fairly juvenile sense of humor.  In other words, the first factual statement doesn’t typically have a large Venn diagram overlap with the second but, that’s me and I like it like that.  Most days anyway.  It seems I’ve managed to successfully master being a responsible adult and parent while still retaining my enjoyment and occupation with things that normally draw younger and, typically, much less mature folk.  And while I have no idea when or how that happened, I’m okay with it.  Sometimes, though, I forget that I used to be one of those very people until I run into one (almost always online) and then I’m reminded of just, well, how much I’ve aged I guess.

You see, a couple of posts back, I got to enjoy the attentions of someone though, who they are actually employed as a chief information officer, seemed to know remarkably little about how the internet actually works.  She stalked me to this blog, read something she didn’t like and up and terminated a development contract on that basis…and that’s fine.  It was entirely their prerogative to sever the relationship anytime they so chose.  What was interesting though was rather than be up front and honest about why they did so (they said it was work performance which, as of day 9 of a contract, is kind of a joke and despite moving more support tickets in those 9 days than they’d moved for probably 6 months) she lied to me in an exit interview whilst thinking she was being sly and crafty with her internet skulking around.  I like to imagine she had the Mission Impossible soundtrack playing in her head while she did her digging.  I also imagine she was less than amused when I penned an article about her complete with a hidden message that I only advised her about AFTER she decided to ask her HR people to “add it to my file” (as though a file on a 9 day employee will amount to anything anywhere to anyone).  Because she decided to copy everyone, I was kind of pleased to see her hoist by her own petard, so to speak, when I hit “reply all” to expose her idiocy to everyone who bothered to look (and yes, they did).  Now, in all honesty, I thought her particular kind of ignorance of a medium for which she was employed to be at least semi-knowledgeable about was probably a rare thing.  You can imagine my surprise when I encountered it again today.

As normally happens when it comes to braggarts and those in general who are far more impressed with themselves than facts would normally allow, this fellow felt he was safe behind the invincible banner of internet anonymity when he should know better that he’s not and so he proceeded to bluster about as though he were more than he actually is.  And you know what, where I might once have cared about such things, these days I know that imbeciles like that are literally a dime a dozen and that the internet is rife with assclowns like that.  It’d be like getting miffed at a raindrop in the middle of a downpour so I resolved to pity the turd and move on.  And that’s where it would have ended even after I got to have this poor excuse for a boy actually trying to threaten me earlier (if making silly boasts on an internet message board qualifies as this generation’s “threats”):

Now, in all fairness, when he says he’s “coming for me”, it could just be one of those terms kids use to declare his undying gay love for me. I have no idea what he meant by “growing eyes in my ass” though. I guess it was supposed to be threatening.

But see, I’ve HAD kids threaten me before with the whole “I got yer IP” and such.  Normally, such outbursts occurred in gaming servers and simply expressed the outrageous amount of butthurt they were enduring due to something I did, was doing, or was continuing to do.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen this but I normally chalk this up to being 11-14 years old, prepubescent, little rage machines but even with this, it was all kind of sadly amusing and entirely dismissible as someone who lacked even basic impulse control.  That was, til he decided that making minor humorous threats on a chat forum wasn’t enough…and so he came here to continue:

His best shot I suppose. I especially like the line about “white women”…as though that’s some kind of special qualifier. It’s just so darn precious.

Or maybe “awkward chinless turtle”. Whatever. The turtle’s got himself a “real assault rifle”…although I doubt an adult was around when this pic was snapped.

Now, as most folks who know me personally will likely attest, I’m a kind of laid back guy and will let most slights roll…but damn if that’s just not how I feel today.  See, for a dude who likes to make threats and go about calling himself “Apoplectic Ape”, when you actually cast a glance at Eric Giroux, “ape” is probably the last animal you’d likely ascribe to his general appearance.  Maybe “skinny weasel”.  Or perhaps “dimwitted jackass”.  Whatever you come up with, it’s hardly likely to be a synonym for “hardened, ass-kicking, internet tough guy”…but that’s apparently the way he sees himself.  What’s truly impressive is that he’s apparently a “digital marketing specialist”.  This suggests he ought to know something about how that whole internet thingy works.  Which is surprising because it takes little to no effort to unmask my sinister stalker.  See Eric here, well, he lives in an apartment in Lawrence, Kansas (awful long way for you to “come for me”) but works for a company called “DealerFire”.  I wonder how they’d feel about one of their recently hired account managers posting juvenile inane crap like he seems to enjoy doing.  Wonder how they’d feel looking at all the time he spends on social media sites being a smartass, repellent dick in general?  Maybe someone should ask.  I’ll bet they’d be interested to know.  I mean, outside of throwing cash, pouring gold bottles (“gold bottles”?) on white women and “stomping on the homeless when the cops aren’t looking” (establishing his “badass” cred I’m guessing here), Eric stays busy pissing away a fair chunk of his day spouting all sorts of puerile bulls**t whenever the mood strikes him…and that appears to be “frequently”.

What’s more amusing is his attempt to spread what he considers his “dopeness” (yeah…really…it’s a word he uses to describe one of his “notable” web properties) as though some 20 something, former KU frat boy douchebag whose entire claim to fame to date was sticking his folks with his offspring while he goes recording himself drinking beer (gasp!) outside (Gasp!) IN THE SNOW (GASP!) whenever he’s not laying down his essential brand of internet toughness on those he clearly has established to his own satisfaction that he’s superior to (read: “everyone who ever beat his geek ass in school and those who can’t actually reach him to do it today”)…all in orange crocs.

So, word to you Eric: I promise…really REALLY promise…I’m veritably pooping in my drawers at the very thought of you coming for me via my IP address (which of course you don’t have because, hey, you can’t get one simply because you wish REALLY hard and hold you breath for it).  Yep, I’m trembling in abject fear of your gangly, gawky, awkward self “coming for me” despite the eyes I’m furiously growing in my ass this very second in breathless anticipation of your arrival.  Before you head out on your quest for epic internet retribution for calling you out as the spineless, ignorant, boasting dumbass you simply had to double down on to emphatically prove me right (I didn’t need the assist), maybe you should share your evil plans with Mommy, Daddy, Ashley and little Jackson.  Mommy and Daddy will likely chuckle with mock levity at my impending doom at your assuredly fearsome hands…and then offer you a juicebox and cookie and send you out to play.  Ashley might take you more seriously and wonder if this is yet another ill-considered battle she’s going to go need to rescue her eternally deluded little bro from.  Jackson, well, if you don’t come back, he can probably succeed in changing his name to something that doesn’t link his future to his daddy’s idiotic past.  The kid needs a better chance than that.  Maybe you shouldn’t sell your uncle’s couch.  It’s not likely your new “girl”friend will want to keep it…what with all the stains on the upholstery and such.

But anyway, enough of this.  I have no plans to roll into Lawrence anytime soon (especially not since you’re up in Oshkosh right now) so let’s go ahead and call a truce.  You stick to being a back-flipping, pretentious, string bean, bag of douche with delusions of grandeur that exists as an object lesson to…well…everyone who isn’t you and I’ll stick to me being me.  However, if you’re still going to go about casting yourself as some kind of internet marketing specialist, go ahead and learn how pathetically simple it is to dig you and every facet of your insipid life up in a matter of a few minutes.  Oh…and “bland life”?  LOL!  Yep, guess I’d have to tip the hat to you on expertise on that, sport.  You’d be best to judge…from either Lawrence or Oshkosh.

Pictured above, Eric Giroux of Lawrence, KS. Proud graduate of KU and holder of the prestigious May 2012 cover of (what the hell incestuous mag was that called?…oh yeah) AutoSuccess Magazine. Thrower of cash, pourer of bottles, stomper of the homeless, seller of other people’s furniture, comer for motherfuckers, and general all around bad ass of the intarweb tubez. Also, proud possessor of the Orange Crocs That I Wear While Attention Whoring (some more…for crissake, give it a break kid) On My Mommy And Daddy’s Front Lawn. Yeah, I know you thought I was kidding about the orange crocs. Sadly, not even close to kidding. Are you really surprised tho that my newest nemesis dresses via Garanimals? I’m not.

Addendum:  So, for those who don’t read the comments, young Eric here has chosen “bluff” rather than “man up”.  I myself have a stepson in his 20’s who also makes exceptionally bad decisions (except he’s learned from his for the most part).  All kids that age do.  Eric, however, was given a couple of chances to accept what is patently obvious and sail away relatively unscathed.  I gave him a clear route for taking this post down…he responded by switching accounts on the site where this all started and then posted…hell, I’ve lost count…quite a few comments to this blog today starting from begging and pleading and eventually running straight to outright lies, more ignorant and offensive language and finally to outright daring me to inform his employer (whose time he has wasted in exceptional amounts today).  I truly would have preferred he not push it to this point…but hey…so be it.  Maybe his employer won’t care.  Maybe they’ll be cool with his smack talking and acting like a prick on the web.  Maybe they won’t care they’re paying a salary for some kid to internet stalk people while he should be doing company business.  I guess we’ll find out.

Trace 1 – This is the account he uses to post his particular brand of insult on the social media sites he whiles his days away on. http://disqus.com/Apoplectic_Ape/ Make note of the link to his web property sneakhype and that he lives in Lawrence, KS

Trace 2. This is sneakhype.com’s contact page. Notice the 4 Twitter accounts (we’re down to 4 people). Anyway, 2 of them are Kansas with one specifically Lawrence.. 


Trace 3. This is the one specifically matching Lawrence, KS just like the Apoplectic Ape account. Gee, what are the chances that of the 4 accounts, 1 of them would feature a background image of an ape, contain tweets referencing the site he visits as Apoplectic Ape and both this account and the Ape account are from Lawrence? Pretty close to zero.

Trace 4. Unfortunately, while also talking smack, referencing clear connections and such, our genius of social media uses this same Twitter account for his actual job (as opposed to the one where he curbstomps the homeless).

Trace 5. Of course, when you’re too lazy or stupid to use a different Twitter account for your repellant social media tendencies, people who you threaten and harass might decide to follow that up. This here is the account he’s speaking to, in this case, Corey at Dealerfire. But surely that’s not enough to go on right? Nope, you’re right…

…but this probably is. Says it there bold as day. Also claims the sneakhype site as his as well.

Anyway, this is how someone who decides to follow, harass, threaten and then finally dare someone gets famous on the internet. Or, you could just call it “bad judgement”.

My name is Euroranger and I was dared to approve this post.


15 Responses to “Watch Where You Step”

  1. ok, now in all seriousness, i am ape, and was having fun jibing on the internet. And i have or share no affiliation with Sneakhype. the website was started by some kids i went to school with. I am not Eric Giroux, and respectfully ask that you take his name down, along with his pictures. perhaps the saddest part of the entire exchange, was your need to make some sort of personal blow, and you did it to a completely unaffiliated third party. Say what you will about me, but in the name of professionalism, take his name and pictures down. I simply placed their website name on my disqus to help get their name out there. You can have your “win” if you want, but again, please take his name down.

    • Euroranger said

      Ah. You see, here’s the issue in a nutshell: you incorrectly assumed you had the Cloak of Internet Anonymity so you could act like a foul-mouthed prick without repercussions. In short, you felt you could be a disrespectful turd because nobody could call you to account for it. And right up to the point that YOU turned the exchange into a personal threat (“your ip address will do…i’m coming for you, motherfucker. you better grow eyes in your ass”) I was willing to write you off as just another of the literally countless asswipes that teem in great herds across the web. Right up til that point.

      If you’re not enjoying this Eric, you have yourself to blame. You have yourself to blame for 1./ being a disrespectful asshole and 2./ for making a ridiculous threat and basing that on a preposterous claim (my IP address). So yeah, it’s clear to anyone with an IQ above…well…yours, that you are, in fact Eric Giroux. In fact, it’s again disrespectful as hell for you to come on here and double down with your previous bulls**t by claiming you’re not him when it’s pretty clear you are.

      So no. Your info stays here and enjoys the place of prominence that the mighty Google will give it forever more. You and your ridiculous act earned it. Be happy I didn’t post your home address, cell number, pictures of you, your kid, your friends, your family (yes, I have those) and so on. Take this as a lesson: when you threaten someone whether on the web or in person (I’m pretty sure you’re not built as tough as you like to portray so I doubt this is an issue) you’ve basically called “all in”. If you were a man and had come and apologized, I probably would have been a good sport about your lesson and done what you asked. But no. Rather than do the right thing (do you ever do the right thing?) you show up with some preposterous lie to try and squirm your way out of a situation of your own making. Acting like a respectful, responsible man just isn’t something you know how to do, is it?

      • well alright, gramps…your blog of course. there are three creators of the sneakhype site, what made you settle on Eric? and who is the coward here? if you were a man, you would let my posts be seen in their entirety.

      • Euroranger said

        Your posts are seen in their entirety. I merely add your identity, business email address and employer’s URL to them so we all know to whom we can credit all the rants. Sorry it’s sucking to be you right now. It can stop at any time you like. You’ve even been told how. I’m posting nothing here but responses to your comments.

      • haha i do have to admit…the ape connection is slightly compelling. At least now i know why you are so sure of yourself, I’m sure i might have came to the same conclusion. Alas, it is an unfortunate coincidence for you. I wonder if you will post with such pride, as you try to explain to a complete stranger, who has no idea who or what you are, why you called his defenseless son “a bastard”. I actually you want to step in this one now, so please onward. As for the other evidence,

        1. KU is in Lawrence, and a lot of alumni claim it as home.
        2. You make quite the leap to assume I am one of the creators of the site, and not simply a fan. (which isn’t that hard to imagine since we both were from KU)

        please let me know how your search for the truth ends up…i believe you will be sorely disappointed.

      • Euroranger said

        Last post Eric. You’ve had your begging, your lies, your threats and now this pathetic “it’s not me” crap. The trace is more than enough for a company to look into the activities of a time-wasting, foul-mouthed punk kid…especially when they’re looking for account managers all the time. Believe it…regardless of whatever the content of your next post here, I’ll read that as, “email this link to my employer”. The only person who will buy your excuse is you and if it takes you getting embarrassed at work or fired for you to learn a lesson, well that’s up to you to decide. Personally, you’ve exhibited zero impulse control so I fully expect to be sending it off before the day is out.

        I’d grant you the last word…but I was clear what will happen if you use it. Hopefully, we’re done. If not, we will soon be.

        Bye Eric.

  2. ironic that you would claim that i don’t know how to mask my identity, if i was Eric and i attached my disqus to a website that i clearly owned and operated, and didn’t connect it to any affiliated email accounts or my twitter…come on, man. You have embarrassed yourself now, and have drug a respectable unrelated person’s name through the mud.

    • Euroranger said

      If you’re fishing for “how did this s**tstorm blow up in my face like this”…sorry. You’re the digital marketing guru with the 4.0 from KU. You figure it out. I’m just some ignorant dude on the internet that doesn’t appreciate assholes. Sorry you made the mistake of messing with someone who can do this better than you. I’ve yet to have said anything I feel any need to apologize for much less lie about and make excuses for. Tell you what, you seem like you love and respect your Dad. Ask yourself: what advice would Dad give me if he were to somehow stumble across this? Would he be proud of your shit spitting, threats and lying? He likely already knows you make bad decisions (all kids your age do). Would he tell you to man up, do the right thing, come clean and THEN ask the other guy if he can forgive and forget?

      Or would he tell you to spin up a lie hoping that the other guy is a fool or stupid or gullible so you can get what you want without any skin off your nose?

      • look man, i swear on your fag children, that i’m not Eric…i need you to understand that, at least for yourself…you can leave the post on your blog about how you got to the bottom of some little punk if you want, so whatever reader may accidentally stumble in here, would think that you are awesome, but just between me and you, I swear i’m not Eric. i just want that to be clear between you and i – i don’t want credit for my whipping your ass to go somewhere else, ok?

      • Euroranger said

        Your panicked pants-crapping…I’m embarrassed for you. If it’s no big deal to you, then let it lie. If it’s not you, you won’t care when the HR folks at Dealerfire call Eric and ask him to account for the clear identity chain right up to his childish profane and unprofessional activities on the web.

        I mean, you’re independently wealthy. You’ve got the nice convertable 401K car. Possibly with the nice white women whom you pour gold bottle over. What do you care, right? It’s not your problem. You’re a rich dude who doesn’t need a crappy job like that, right? I mean, otherwise, why would you have ignored the internet deportment section of the Dealerfire employee handbook? Why worry, kid? You’re just too big for those folks anyway, right?

      • haha, explain that “clear identity chain” to me…better yet, explain it to his employers, and invite some more people to fuck your blog up. And i would care about a random guy catching flack because some sad old fuck on the internet has a hard on….but that being said, i wont let some old fucking “neverwas” run a fucking baller such as myself off.

      • Euroranger said

        “better yet, explain it to his employers”


  3. i filled a Burberry tube sock with countless hundred dollar bills….and i use it in an attempt to “beat the poor” out of the homeless in my city…

  4. Eric said

    Hey guys, I am the real slim shady, Eric. I’m not sure how I got involved but I wish I wasn’t haha.

    Euroranger, I’m not sure how I can prove my real identity and that I’m not the Ape dude but certainly am willing to do so if it can get you to remove the stuff about my son and family. I probably deserve being made fun of for owning orange crocs, and I do admit I lol’d a bit when I read “chinless turtle”… However you got the wrong guy man.


    • Euroranger said

      Gee, just three minutes apart. How about you do some work today there, Eric. Might be the last you do for awhile.

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