Time for an update
Posted by Euroranger on November 3, 2015
As happens from time to time, we all get distracted from some things by other things. This blog is a shining example of that. I haven’t dropped a new post on here in over a year but in the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a few personal acquaintances locate me through this blog and drop messages to me. In other words, something I’d kind of abandoned has regained my attention and now I’m realizing that some folks know me only through this persona and not personally (like through Facebook). Those people are no less my friends because they are online acquaintances and I have indeed been remiss in posting to this blog…so today, I remedy that oversight. So, without further ado, let me update everyone on what has happened to Euroranger over the past year.
The last post on this blog was penned to publicly respond to an asshole and his lawyer who, in addition to robbing me (the asshole, not his lawyer) thought they could also silence my public protests of such treatment via laughable threats of legal action (the asshole and his asshole lawyer). I’m simultaneously pleased and somewhat disappointed to report that their empty threats were just that: empty. Hot air. Blustering. In other words, representative of the demonstrated content of their character (the asshole) and the deserved earned enmity for a profession whose reputation as whores who will say whatever their client pays them enough to say (the asshole lawyer). As Billy would say: “much ado about nothing”. I expected nothing more though so I can’t really claim disappointment.
Since then, though, things have dramatically changed in my personal life. After having been married for just short of 17 years, I filed for and was granted a divorce just a little over three weeks ago today. As I type out this next part, I am acutely aware that what I say can and probably will be saved somewhere in indelible form and that, one day, my kids, my ex and others to whom I may become personally important may read this. As you read this then, be aware that I am still processing and hashing through my feelings on this change and that this represents only where I’m at a mere 3 weeks after the dissolution. These feelings will almost certainly change over time. Let’s start with the fundamentals: I’m the one who filed for the divorce. I did so because of actions my ex had been committing that I became aware of due to an inopportune slip of her tongue. Despite the revelation of what she had been doing (and it was worse than most would assume) I did try to salvage the marriage. I attended counseling and encouraged her to attend. She did go. Four whole times. After which she declared that counseling was of no help to her, she needed no help and her friends would suffice to act as guides for her behavior. At my 5th visit, even the counselor confided to me that she felt the relationship was unrecoverable after I asked. My lawyer was great and advised me expertly. The evidence I recovered and kept from my ex’s iPhone in conjunction with the laws of the state of Georgia fairly much dictated that I could request and be granted a divorce on pretty much whatever terms I chose. I chose to offer my now ex the option of an uncontested divorce on the grounds of no alimony (indeed her actions triggered a law that decreed that no alimony is orderable), that I retain the house and that the children stay with me (indeed, they both expressed their desire to stay with me). I was eligible to request child support but declined. My ex accepted the terms I proposed to the letter. I didn’t ask for child support because I had been the sole breadwinner in the house for 17 years. I’d been able to afford paying for their rearing all that time. I didn’t want nor need her money to continue doing what I was already doing. Basically, I set her free to pursue activities that I was incapable of accepting within our marriage. She has since privately expressed to others that she made an enormous mistake but has never apologized to me or our children past saying “I never meant to hurt you”. I’d like to say this entire thing took me by surprise but, in truth, it did not. Things had been going poorly for some time and as far back as a couple of years ago, I knew that it was beyond my ability to mend on my own. These are the facts.
My feelings ran the gamut from my discovery confirming what I feared most back in late April to the day the divorce was finalized to today. I was incredibly sad and depressed (indeed, I lost nearly 30 pounds in the first 6 weeks) and was then resigned to my new direction, incredibly disappointed in someone who had changed so dramatically to today being fairly happy with where I am (a little over 6 months later). There were days, especially in the beginning, where I’d felt absolutely worthless and as low as I’ve ever known myself to feel. More than anything, I never wanted my kids to come from a broken home and, I have to admit, that I was angry (and still harbor some small resentment) that I couldn’t avoid that happening to them. Everybody I knew who knew what happened advised me to give up on the situation immediately. I did not. I spent about 2 months trying to “fix” something that I hadn’t broken until one day I woke up and realized that even if I got everything I wanted at that moment, I would never be able to trust that person again. My entire life from that point forward would be an exercise in stress and never knowing for sure what was going on. They say trust is the most important thing in a relationship for a reason.
Anyway, I am now seeing someone who lives several states away from me. I get to see her maybe twice a month on the weekends my ex has our children. This person has become very dear to me and is someone I wish I’d met 20 years ago. She is fairly much the polar opposite of my ex in terms of morals, ethics, behavior and pretty much any other quality you could mention. I met her by total accident and have come to believe that she and I were meant to encounter one another at this point in our lives. I worry that some of my feelings for her are a response to being alone after the betrayal by my ex but more and more I believe this isn’t the case. I’m on an interesting path now whose end I cannot discern. She cannot move here and I cannot move there (at least not until my kids graduate high school) and we both know this and have decided to try to have a relationship anyway. It’s exceptionally hard some days and we’re still trying to settle into an existence that works. I think she handles it better than I do though. There is a lot more I could say about her and I could probably wear out my keyboard extolling her virutes but we’ve been pretty low key about things and I think I’ll keep it that way for the time being. Suffice to say: if she is the prize at the end of this awful ordeal, it was worth the price.
Otherwise, things are remarkably unchanged. I’ve had a new contract (that coincidentally started just 2 days after my discovery of all the bad crap my ex was doing…so that was a fun time) for some time now and they’re pretty good so far. My budget, despite this contract paying slightly less than normal, has opened up. I have disposable income for the first time in decades and it’s nice going to bed not worrying about how to make my bills. I have recently restarted gaming after a long absence. I was rusty at first but that disappeared after a few hours and now I occasionally enjoy being a pain in everyone’s ass on whatever server I decide to afflict. Being a single parent has been an interesting transition. I’ve found that many of our mutual friends seem to be sympathetic to me despite that they were initially my ex’s friends that I came to know through her. Some of her friends from as far back as her high school have reached out to me to express their regrets at how things turned out. Some have not. What’s curious is that how they have separated out hasn’t produced any surprises. I’ve always questioned my ability to judge the character of people but in this, I have been remarkably accurate. Being a single parent to a teenaged girl and boy has been challenging. I do more housework and cook more suppers than I did before but, sadly, these are really the only noticeable differences to our existence. There is no more fighting and yelling in the house, no more drunken tirades, no more constant level of barely suppressed anger. All that is now gone. We (the kids and I) are still trying to sort out our new family and there are indeed bumps…but I think we’re doing okay. I am learning by leaps and bounds (at least I hope I am). My neighbors and friends have been incredibly helpful and supportive. I am blessed to know such good people. And my folks…well…what can you say about parents who have to watch their only surviving kid’s life disintegrate in such a public and humiliating way. They’ve been supportive but not in an overbearing way. I would not have made it through to the other side without them guiding me and just sitting and listening to me rant, whine and dump out and sort through the mess of thoughts and emotions this all caused.
So, while I’ve gained a year I’ve lost a wife. I’ve lost some weight and gained a new brighter, happier future. I’ve lost some innocence (if I ever had any left) and the ability to truly trust someone but I’ve gained some wisdom in exchange and that, in itself, is a solid trade. All in all, I’ll look back on 2015 in a few months and I’ll say it started out bad, got infinitely worse…but ended up okay. I have my health, my life, my trade, my children, my friends and my peace of mind. I really can’t ask for more than that.
My name is Euroranger and I approved this post.